One Last Lesson

 "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself." -- Robert Frost

Growing up in a small Louisiana town doesn't give you much room to develop individuality.  You pretty much were expected to do what everyone else did.  Probably a better way to put it would be to say there wasn't a lot of variety.

My mother gave me every opportunity to be exactly like everyone else.  She signed me up for all the right activities.  I dressed like every other girl.  But I didn't always want to do what everyone else did, nor did I enjoy dressing like everyone else.  Whenever I would stomp my foot (yes I was a foot stomper) and cross my arms, my sweet mother would say, "everyone else is going or wearing..."  My common response was, "Momma I'm not everyone else".

Once I entered high school I had pretty much changed my tune.  I wanted to be like everyone else.  I was a good six months younger than my classmates.  My friends were dating, driving and hanging out about town on the weekends.   When I would ask to go riding around with friends, my mother would say "no, your too young".  I would flip my head around slinging  my long hair first into my face then the back (I graduated from a foot stomper to a hair flipper) and cross my arms in front of me and say, "But everyone is going".

You already know her response, right?  "You are not everyone else".

I would like to introduce to my friend Elmer.

Have you met?  Let me tell you a little about Elmer.  He is an elephant.  Do you see anything different about Elmer?  Yes, he looks a lot like a patchwork quilt.  He is quite colorful.  

Well, the herd Elmer hung around with all looked alike.  They were your basic gray elephants.  Whenever Elmer was around everyone would start laughing. He began to think everyone was laughing at him because he was different.

One morning, when no one was looking, Elmer walked away from the herd into the jungle.  Now when you look like Elmer everyone knows you.  All the other animals greeted him by name.

Walking deep into the jungle Elmer found what he was looking for.  He found a bush full of a very special berry.  He picked all the berries and mashed them until he had enough juice to cover his elephant body.  He now looked like all the other elephants in the herd, basic gray.

Walking back to the herd no one called Elmer by name.  They simply said hello.  When he rejoined his group no one even noticed him walk up.  Some were sleeping, but what Elmer noticed most was they looked sad.  He stood around for awhile, moving from foot to foot, but soon he had taken all he could stand and yelled, BOO-O-O-O-O.

At the exact same moment a rain cloud burst open and washed all the gray berry juice off of Elmer.  The other elephants laughed congratulating Elmer on his best joke ever.

You see Elmer learned it is okay to be different.   He realized it was not because he looked different that made his friends laugh, but that he was funny.  Sometimes it is our differences that make others smile.  It is our differences that make us who we are.

This was the last book I read to my children this year.  We talked about listening to and following our own brains and hearts.  We talked about doing the right thing, not the popular thing.  I passed out "Elmers"  I had drawn on white construction paper and told my class, " This is your Elmer.  You get to decide what he looks like".

I think my children were stunned.  I usually have pretty exact instructions.  One child ask, "Do we get to take this home?"

"Yes, I want you take this home and remember just being the person you are made me really happy this year.

I had a lovely and  eclectic herd.

We live in a diverse world.  It is okay to be different.  I want children to be comfortable with who they are.  We all know if they become confident with their differences they are less likely to "follow the crowd".  There are rules to follow, but no one gets to take away, or make us feel like hiding, what makes each of us unique.

Several years after high school when I was ready to leap out on my own, my mother ask me if I was sure about my decision to move away to a city where I knew no one.   She said, "No one else ...."  I replied, "Momma, I'm not anyone else".   Mother laughed and said, "I know!"