Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Voice of Melancholy

When I started Living Life in 2010 I knew nothing about blogging (I still don't).  I wanted to write, to tell stories.  I wanted to write about living everyday and finding the blessings...
grace, in and among the ordinary...a good book, a simple meal, a smile.

Life is very much like writing.
Some days the words flow beautifully together creating something worth keeping.
The next there is struggle, emotion and nothing pretty comes from it.  Both are gifts.  One teaches gratitude, the other patience.  Right now I am frozen somewhere in-between.    

It has been a difficult couple of months.
It has been a long few years.  
I don't know where to begin; perhaps this is more about an end.
An end I saw coming.

I suppose that is exactly where I am at the present.  I am trying to move forward,
 but not ready to leave the past behind.  My heart is broken.

A month ago, I left the town where I grew up with two SUVs loaded.  My dad's life was sorted, divided and packed up before his funeral.  I will not say anything here, except the boxes have remained sealed.   I am not ready.  

I smile. 
 When asked, I reply I am doing okay...  
It is what most want to hear, grief is uncomfortable
when it belongs to someone else.
One day I will be okay.
I've been here before.

I've recently thought of closing Living Life, of just not returning.   I didn't know how to show back up on the page without exposing my heavy heart.  I then remembered why I began.  I wanted to write...I wanted to write about living everyday.  And, sometimes that living everyday gets messy.

 Loss and grief are thrown in front of all of us at sometime.  There is no escape.   We each cope differently, no one's grief is greater than another, and we move on, as best we can.  There is no right or wrong.  It is part of living this life.

The blessing...
 we heal...
time is the ointment....
memories the bandage.

Hugs to you all,
and thank you for reading!