One summer when I was quite young I developed a fear of snakes. It was really more than a fear, it escalated to a full blown phobia. I would play outside in the mornings, but once the sun passed overhead I would head back inside and start what became the routine body search for two puncture wounds. It was a miserable summer for everyone in my family, and it was my fault. By the summer's end my snake phobia had disappeared as quickly and quietly as it appeared. I still remember the pain of that fear.
Several months ago as I approached my car after grocery shopping a car pulled in two slots away from my car, rolled down his window and ask if I could help him. I opened my car door and said I would try. He then opened his door, got out and came closer. The first thing out of his mouth was, "Don't be afraid".
I quickly glanced into his car, noticing a woman sitting in the passenger seat and a baby asleep in a car seat in the back, I told him I was not afraid of him. He stepped closer and I stepped behind my car door placing my grocery bag in the passenger seat. Once again he ask me not to be afraid and once again I told him I was not afraid. He told me he didn't want money, he wanted information and stepped closer. I stepped back as he ask me yet again to not be afraid.
I realized at this point I needed him to tell me what he needed and let me try and help. I told him I was not afraid of him, but I needed to leave. He finally told me his story. His baby had been released from Children's Hospital earlier and he was meeting someone, before returning to the small town where he lived, and they were running late. He wanted to know how long I thought it
might take to get from one point to another.
I gave him my best guess and apologized that I could not do more. I thought he was going to start crying. Before I sat down in my car I turned around looked at him and said, "By the way, I was never afraid of you". He smiled at me, nodded and got into his car.
As I drove out of the parking lot my mind was racing. Should I have asked if he needed gas money? Had I put myself in harms way? What bothered me then and now is how horrible it must be to live with the fear that someone, everyone, is afraid of me because of who I am, by the color of my skin.
Was he telling me the truth? I have no idea. I will tell you, at no time did I feel intimidated or threatened. I still feel saddened that anyone has to carry the pain of such a fear around.
I wish I had some enlightened way to end this post, but I do not. This is simply a story about a man who needed someone to look him in the eye and say I am not afraid of you, and a woman who is really not very brave. I do regret not offering him gas money, even if he didn't ask.
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ReplyDeleteOMG, I was so fearful for you when I read this story. I would probably have done the same thing as I believe in the goodness of people. The fact that he stated that you should not be afraid of him would have made me suspicious. We must be aware of our surroundings at all times. I am very glad that you got out of that situation.
ReplyDeleteHello Bonnie:
ReplyDeleteWe certainly should have found the insistence on 'not being afraid' as very unsettling. But, as you say, how awful it must be if you feel that everyone will be suspicious of you because of the colour of your skin and, therefore, you feel duty bound to apologise when no apology is necessary.
Somehow it seems very difficult to put trust in other people these days and that is a sad state of affairs. It seems as if we all veer on the side of caution rather than believing that people will, most likely, be kind and good rather than not. That said, when alone, it is important to be vigilant for one's own safety.
Bonnie: I find you to be very brave. My heart was pounding reading this. As soon as he said "Don't be afraid," I am sure I would have been afraid.
ReplyDeleteYou gave him kindness. Nothing is more valuable than that.
How sad it is that he even had to preface the conversation by saying, 'don't be afraid.' How has this world gotten to that point. Aren't we all one humanity....
ReplyDeleteIt's heartbreaking that we teach our children to love one another but we tell them not to talk to strangers. I would have been afraid. Not because of the color of anyone's skin but because I was attacked in a grocery store parking lot but the most unsuspecting person. It does make you more leery about the people around you but I still believe in giving what I can to others and know that not all people are harmful. Some truly need something and I hope I am always willing to give, even if I am scared.
Starting Over,
ReplyDeleteI do agree we must always be aware of what is going on around us. Sometimes, though, we are thrust into a situation where there is little escape but to face it straight on. I will admit I was taken aback when the gentleman chose to get out of his car. As I have mentioned in several emails, I never felt threatened although what could happen was always in the back of my mind. I am still greatly sadden by this gentleman, this family. Thank you so much for reading and responding. Bonnie
kindness and a smile....there is just nothing like it!! i hope we can always love one another. i'm glad you were not afraid, i can't help but wonder what he really wanted/needed!!
ReplyDeleteYou did the best you could on the spur of the moment. The world we live in today can be very dangerous, and it isn't always easy to judge what is safe and what isn't, with all the scam artists and liars out there. Many evil people will pose as someone needing help, so your fear is perfectly understandable. Perhaps this gentleman should have asked a man for help instead. Or maybe there were no men around, especially in a grocery store parking lot. I hope they made it home safe.
ReplyDelete