From the Island...Without Words

When my daughter was young, while waiting in carpool line at her school, I would place a kiss in the palm of her hand folding her fingers over it.  I told her it was for "just in case" she needed a kiss.  Many times I gave her more than one.  Just before she jumped out of the car she would give me a kiss to get me through my day.

It was never even in the furthest corner of my mind it would be my last kiss to receive, or my last kiss I would ever give my child.

I did not hear of the unimaginable horror that unfolded in a small Connecticut town this morning until late this afternoon.   It was in fact in the carpool line of the school where I teach I first heard of this tragedy.

As I drove home listening to accounts of all that transpired at the Connecticut elementary school memories of hand kisses and last minute I love yours came flooding over me and tears fell.  The first thing I did when I got home

was to send my daughter, now grown, a text

 "I love you".

Tonight

 as a mother...

as a teacher...

My heart aches

Yes...

 twenty children were lost today,

but I hurt because

 of each single child and adult that was lost.

Will we ever have the answers we are all so desperately asking?

From the Island...Aging

painting by my daughter

This morning catching up on everyone I spied an ad on the sidebar of a favorite blog about aging.  I will just be honest I usually block advertising out.  Now that I am wearing glasses (this aging thing) most of the time it isn't really that difficult.  The peripheral lens is a little blurred.  Well, for some reason this particular ad still caught my eye.   It was about how bloggers feel about aging.   They threw up a few emotional catch words...uncertain, angry, optimistic.  I think there might have been another, I can't remember.

As the clock ticks away I do think about aging, although I know there is little one can do about it.  The only year I began to dread was my 39th turning to 40.  We had just moved to Northern California, leaving everything we knew and loved for a new adventure.  Each day as the birthday drew nearer I assured myself it was really only a day and nothing would change.  I still remember waking that morning, laying in bed and thinking I felt the same as I did when I went to bed.  I quietly slipped out of bed; I wanted to be the first one to look at me just incase something dreadful had happened overnight.  As I suspiciously looked closely in the mirror, turning from one side to the other,  I came to the realization everything was exactly the same as the night before.  There were no winkles that appeared during my sleep.  My hair had not suddenly turned gray.  I had spent days wasting precious time worrying over something that would not change one thing in my life other than a number.  I had fretted over something I would never be able to control.

With this lesson learned I really try not to worry much about aging.   Don't get me wrong each year brings different frustrations...a few extra wrinkles, waning eyesight, pounds relocating...you get my point.  I just cannot use my time worrying about the passing hours or days.  I have no more control of time than I do of the weather.



I do however get to control how I use each moment given to me.  Rather than bemoaning the things that have passed me by or worrying over things to come, I am learning to take pleasure in and give thanksgiving for the small, the minute things that make me happy...morning solitude, birds splashing around in the birdbaths, hearing my husband coming through the door after being out of town, my lemon tree loaded with lemons.

Yesterday morning, while Roger was making breakfast, I took my coffee outside to look around.  I like to see what is going on in my backyard.  The air seemed a little lighter, the birds were singing, everything seemed a bit happier after our little sprinkle the day before.   When I went back inside my husband said,  "I wish I had been able to give you a kingdom to rule.  You looked so happy just standing there looking around your little backyard.  I could see you as Queen going out and checking on all your lands and subjects."  I had to silently laugh, because I was actually out giving thanks for my little piece of earth and all the little things in it.

It has been over a decade since I woke to look in the mirror at my forty year old face in search of something different.  I no longer worry.  I still have heartaches and things happen that scare me.  There will be things that will trip me and take me to my knees.  When my Dad was first diagnosed with cancer he said,  "This is life, you just have to walk the path put in front of you".  I choose, while walking my path to spend time stopping to look at everything and giving thanks for the small things.  The big things are going to find me.

gift from one of my bluebirds


 Aging?  
No matter the fretting, I can't stop it.
I can't stop bad things from happening.
But I can stop to enjoy each blessed little moment of pleasure.


What little things bring you joy?


Look around I know you will find more.

Thoughts From the Island...

“People can tell you to keep your mouth shut, but that doesn't stop you from having your own opinion.” 

...Anne Frank

A few weeks ago I was relating a tale to my husband.  You know the  "she said this and I said that" sort of story.  Nothing ugly was said, but there were some sharp remarks laughingly made in jest.  He laughed at my story and said, "I like how you have aged.  You are beginning to say whats on your mind."  


This is probably true.  I have through the years held my tongue on most things.  In my defense though there is not a lot of "stuff" out there that warrants my opinion.  And, there are so many who feel  strongly about almost everything, it is just not worth my time to add my thoughts to the argument.  I suppose one could say I usually try to fly under the radar and mind my own business.  Usually when I say "I don't care"  I really don't care. 


Well, I've had a few days off and I've been thinking.   My 50something thinking can make about as much sense as my 5 year old thinking.  So hold on to your hats and let's see.


Thoughts From the Island... will be an occasional editorial, personal opinion or thought on something that has recently crossed my computer screen, jumped out at me in the newspaper or just been discussed ad nauseam during the week.  Sometimes it will be silly; other times it may be something that I am struggling to understand myself.  Seldom( do I dare say never?) will it be political.  I am neither  liberal nor  conservative, I'm a "I want to hear both sides of the story"  kind of person.   I have no background to give an opinion other than I have one.


I hope to end each of the "Thoughts From the Island...."  with something fun.  Today it is a recipe.


I hope you stay with me and I most certainly invite you to weigh in.
       

* * * * * *


The story catching my attention, streaming on the news, this week is about an eight year old receiving a "Catastrophe Award" for most excuses for not turning in homework.   As a teacher I was pulled to the story.  I will say upfront, I board this train wreck from both sides...parent and teacher.   I was most interested in everyone's comments.  Wow, everyone seemed to have an opinion on this one.   I wonder just how much thought actually went into their comments.





Anyway, the child's mother was upset when her daughter brought home the "CATastrophe Award award.  She took it to the school administration who failed,  rightly so,  to respond the way she had hoped.  The mother then took it to the media.  After all, when we do not get our way we go to the media for our fifteen minutes of fame or  in hopes of a nice little lawsuit.  May I say here... what was she thinking?


Bless her, I am sure when this mother contacted her local news station she had no clue she would end up being the villain in this short story.  And, most of what has been said is probably deserved.  Ideally, educating a child takes a team.  The key to the team is communication and supporting one another.  I do wonder though, how anyone who has so openly criticized this mother would feel had it been their child who received such an award.  I think we are so quick to say "she should have known her child was not turning in her homework...."    And, my first knee-jerk reaction was the same. 


Awards at the end of the school year became popular many years ago in some schools.  My own personal child came home with them.  Each one was fun and esteem building.    As a parent we think, "oh isn't that sweet".  As I teacher, I think they are hurt feelings and angry parents just waiting to take center stage.  If we give nonacademic awards they should be benign.  We need to think about the purpose of the award.  It is far too late at the end of the school year to make either an academic or disciplinary  statement. 


I wonder did every child receive a "CATastrophe Award"?  If so, this discussion just needs to be taken off the table.  If, in fact,  this child was the only one to receive it?  Well....


I would almost bet money the CATastrophe (I don't understand capitalizing CAT?)  Award was more for the parent's benefit than the child's.  Had the teacher tried to communicate with the mother about the homework problem?  Was it discussed in parent/teacher conferences?  I suspect the teacher tried her best to solicit the mother's help without  response.  The child's homework assignments were, by the mother's own admission, left up to those directing an after school program.  Is the teacher acting out of frustration?  Seriously,  did the teacher not think this was going to come back to bite her/him?


Had this been a high school student, I think it would have been looked at in the  "tongue in cheek" event it might have been meant to be;  everyone would have had a good laugh.  The parents probably would have been left out of the loop altogether.  However, we are talking about an eight year old, who probably didn't have much academic support at home.


No matter, it is my opinion no one (mother, teacher, media)  acted in the best interest of the child.  And, shame on them all!


By the way, when is the last time someone went to the local news station and expressed thanks for something a teacher has done, unsolicited?  I suspect it would not be found to be "newsworthy".  What do you think?


*****
As your reward for plowing through my "unsolicited" opinion I am sharing a "thumbs up" award for a wonderfully refreshing pasta supper.  I made this last night for Roger's homecoming and it was amazingly fresh tasting.  I seldom allow myself pasta, but this was worth every non-metabolizing carb/calorie.  (We walked the dogs after supper.) 


I followed a recipe from the June issue of "Coastal Living" as inspiration.  This one will be going to the beach with me!

Fresh Pasta and Zucchini
(2 servings)


2 small to medium zucchini
1 1/2 tablespoons of chopped fresh mint (about 4 large leaves)
2 ounces feta cheese, crumbled
Zest from one lemon
Juice from one lemon
1/2 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt
Fettuccine (enough for two servings)
a nice handful of pine nuts, toasted
(okay, you know I never measure anything and I cut the recipe so these are guesstimates.


Boil pasta according to package instructions.  


Cut zucchini into thin strips with a vegetable peeler; set aside.


Combine mint, feta, lemon zest and juice, olive oil and salt in a small bowl and allow to rest.


Add zucchini strip to the boiling pasta during the last minute of boiling time.  Drain and transfer to serving bowl.


Stir in mint mixture, gently tossing to combine.

bon appétit' 


*****