Roots and Wings

Update:  Technical difficulties with photos and a scheduled post posting too soon.  I apologize if this is showing up as new.

"The greatest gifts you can give your child are

 the roots of responsibility and

 the wings of independence."

Wednesday morning I passed over the play clothes for "big" girl attire, applied make-up and slipped on a pair of shoes other than the summer's flip-flops.  The days of making my own schedule had come to an end.  This was the day to meet and greet my new children and their families.  It was a day of introductions and reunions, of shy smiles and comforting hugs and lots and lots of picture taking.  I spent time with each child, and also with the moms and dads.  I have found it is often the parents who need the hand holding and reassurance.

When talking to parents I often bring in my own experiences as a mom into the conversation.  I am, after all, first and foremost a mom.  It has been my most enjoyable job ever.   When the tears begin to flow, I hug and promise all will be well.  I tell them how every year after dropping my daughter off on the first day,  I would drive home in tears.

So many years ago I drove through the same driveway these parents will enter to drop off my daughter for her very first day of pre-school.  The car door was opened and H. was greeted by the same smiling blue eyes and good-morning that will welcome each student next week.   As soon as H. was helped from the car and the door closed, my tears flowed.  I could hardly see to drive home.   Time crept by; I am sure I was the first person to arrive back in the car-pool line.  I had survived, I was hoping she had as well.  

The car door was opened and her sweet teacher assured me she had a very good day.  As we drove away H. asked why she couldn't stay for lunch, "everyone else stayed for lunch", and she wanted to stay for lunch as well.  The dagger was thrust and found its target deep into the center my heart.  Yes, we spent the next morning in search of the perfect "My Little Pony" lunch box.

Thursday morning arrived.  I packed her favorite sandwich, green beans, a cookie and apple juice.  I wrote a note for her and a check for the school.  She was excited, I stood wondering how I would survive my day.   I put on my best smile and tried to be brave to the one who was taking a step away from me.  Upon arrival, the door was opened with the same warm smile.  H. jumped out of the car and without a glance back, ran down the walkway, lunchbox slapping against her little leg.  

Again, I made the drive home in tears.  No, this is not true, I sobbed all the way home.   I called my mother.  She assured me all would be well, and told me of my own first day of school.  She said she was most certain I would cry, and was prepared to pick me up and take me home.  She then told me she was the one who cried on that morning and on the first day of school every year after.  I then knew I would...I could do this.

  The first day of school is the concrete marking of a child's growing independence,  more so than any other milestone.   I, as much as anyone, know the bittersweetness of the moment.  We want to hold on, but as a parent it is our role to allow, and sometimes push, our children out of their comfort zone.  It is through this narrow channel of safety where we have the opportunity to give them them space to learn to make good decisions, solve their problems and grow into strong independent adults.  

Roots and Wings

If I had two wishes, I know what they would be

I'd wish for roots to cling to, and wings to set me free;

Roots of inner values, like rings within a tree,

and wings of independence to seek my destiny.

If I had two wishes, I know what they would be

Roots to hold forever to keep me safe and strong,

To let me know you love me, when I've done something wrong;

To show me by example, and help me learn to choose,

To Take those actions every day to win instead of lose.

Just be there when I need you, to tell me it's all right,

To Face my fear of falling when I test my wings in flight;

Don't make my life too easy, it's better if I try,

And fail and get back up myself, so I can learn to fly.

If I had two wishes, and two were all I had,

And they could just be granted, by my Mom and Dad;

I wouldn't ask for money or any store-bought things.

The greatest gifts I'd ask for are simply Roots and Wings.

                                     

                                                                               Denis Waitley

And so this post has taken a turn in a direction I had not anticipated at its beginning, but here we are none the less.   Do not feel ashamed at shedding tears as your child lets go. Give them a kiss, a hug, do not call them back, but stand and marvel as wings begin to dry and are tested in anticipation of the ultimate flight.  

The role of a parent is not an easy one.  There is no script, no guarantees or promises,

 but the rewards are many.